Neo Death (Complete)

Name: Neo Death (at least, that's what he tells you to call him)

Gender: Male

Age: Unknown

Race: Deceased Human (resurrected as an Obscurum, or as you mortals would say, hellspawn)

Appearance: He has the form of an average grown male human. He is about 5"8. None of his skin can be seen with what he wears. When he takes off his mask, he looks like a young brown-hair boy with fair skin and green eyes but with half of his face burnt off, leaving only the skull and eyeball. Other than a noticable scar on his chest, the rest of his body seems to be normal.

He seems to be able to somewhat change his appearance at will. It is unknown how he does this. It may or may not just be an illusion. He often uses it for comical purposes.

Clothing of choice: He wears a red hoodie with blue jeans and black and white sneakers with black gloves. He wears a white mask similar to that of Hiei from Darker than Black and that face that chases you in Super Mario Bros. 2 after you take a key god I hate those things. He is somehow able to change the expression of the mask as though it was has actual face, although it's mouth doesn't move when he speaks.

Loyalty: Although he works under Kami, ruler of the afterlife, he is rebellious and does not like to work with others.

Occupation: He exists to wipe evil scum off of the face of
the Earth, a job given to him by Kami.

Personality: He is very much a jokester. He is constantly making jokes and almost never takes anything seriously, even in battle. He can also be sarcastic, selfish and perverted. But don't let that make you think of him as less of a threat. When he does get serious, it is reccomended that you stay more than 200 miles away from him. He is extremely intelligent and will often try to psychologically manipulate you. Being a mercenary, he is ruthless and is not afraid to kill without second thought. One of the side effects of his powers is insanity, which is what causes him to act so carelessly. He will go on insane ramblings that are best ignored. He tried to tell me we're in a video game called BlazBlue. Can you believe that? Anyway, his goal in life is to wipe all evil from the Earth so that Kami will grant the life of him and his family back.

Abilities: He wields superhuman strength and speed. He is very quick on his feet. He is very durable and can regenerate from attacks that would often kill or cripple someone. When he takes off his mask, he can make others suffer delusions or make them feel the pain of others they've hurt in the past, even if they don't feel guilty about it.

Weaponry: He wields a weapon called the Tenebris Telum. It has the ability to turn into any man-made weapon. The ones he uses most often are twin pistols, katanas and a sword. It is not an ordinary weapon, as it was designed to kill (or at least hurt) almost anything. He was given the weapon by Kami himself in order to carry out his mission.

History: Li Zhang was a normal boy in high school with good grades and high popularity. One day, a mob went after his family and killed his parents. He has a sister whose whereabouts are since then unknown. They kidnapped Zhang and poured lava onto his face, which killed him.

After he died, he was visited by Kami, the ruler of the afterlife. Kami saw potential in him and felt that their lives ended too soon. Kami gave him an opportunity to bring back the life of himself and his family in exchange for him wiping out all evil from the Earth. He accepted and Kami gave him the mask, his powers and the Tenebris Telum. Before sending him back to Earth, Kami informed him that he was not completely invincible and that if he were to die, neither he nor his family would be granted their lives back. He has since then become a deadly mercenary and has killed off many evil beings. He traveled to Kagutsuchi to take care of Sector Seven and the corrupt NOL.

There`s... a lot of problems with this sheet. A lot of them. The weapon, the race, the goal of this character, the abilities.
I`ll go into greater detail soon, but for now, i'm going to have to disapprove of this sheet.

I'll be simple there, given how me getting lengthy about my reason gets things worse than they should be.

No afterlife thing has been explored in BlazBlue, and it has never been precised how Terumi maintained his existence as a ghost. And even then, he is a ghost, not some kind of "hellspawn" which does not exist.

The whole backstory doesn't make so much sense and he seems to me like "random guy killed by yakuza attracts the eye of God who gives him favors for no reason".

Marty Stu is disapproved.

APPROVALS: 00
DISAPPROVALS: 01

I understand the rest, but Mary Stu would mean that the character is based off of the the author with little to no changes made, and he is nothing like me, I swear. And I wanted to try something new. He's not technically a hellspawn, as there's no such thing as hell, but that's what mortals call them, so it was put there so you would have a better understanding of what he is. And perhaps I should have put more detail into the story.

Trust me, the things concerning hell and his race are not the only flaws of this sheet. There`s also the very heavily DMC4 inspired weapon (Which isn`t a valid weapon since Hell doesn`t exist in Blazblue) and the abilities as well as this character`s motivation and goals, to, essentially, tear apart the entire plot.

I could go into further details but i think you get the idea.

Approvals 0

Disapprovals 2